E3 2012 Day 0: Ubisoft Press Conference Live Blog [UPDATE]

Shacks is down and I am back in the driver’s seat for the Ubisoft Press conference. The show starts in less than half an hour at 6 PM Eastern and will have a whole bunch of good stuff. Here’s hoping Mr. Caffeine doesn’t make another appearance. I don’t think I can handle it.

[UPDATE] The conference is over, and below is the live blog of the press conference. Again, the time stamp on the software we use is about 12 minutes off, so keep that in mind.

UBISOFT PRESS CONFERENCE

• And Ubisoft is done. Sony will be starting about 3 hours. June 4, 2012 – 7:32 pm
• Ok, so the game is called Watch Dogs, and it looks awesome. June 4, 2012 – 7:30 pm
• Joseph Demarco, I don’t know you but I hate you. June 4, 2012 – 7:29 pm
• Shit, rollers. June 4, 2012 – 7:28 pm
• Damn, man. What can’t your cellphone do in this game? June 4, 2012 – 7:27 pm
• Fucked that dude up with a nightstick. June 4, 2012 – 7:26 pm
• Apparently in this game your cellphone can tell you who has AIDS. June 4, 2012 – 7:26 pm
• I think there is something wrong with the stream. I am hearing two layers of audio: One cutscene and one gameplay. June 4, 2012 – 7:25 pm
• That guy’s hair is terrible. June 4, 2012 – 7:24 pm
• Are those robots or just very poorly paid catering staff? June 4, 2012 – 7:23 pm
• In this game that I don’t know the name of, you can break cellphones. June 4, 2012 – 7:23 pm
• It’s back, and looking very inconspicuous. June 4, 2012 – 7:22 pm
• And the stream is gone for me. June 4, 2012 – 7:21 pm
• My mother interrupted me, so I have no idea what this game is called. June 4, 2012 – 7:20 pm
• Stream keeps fucking up on me. June 4, 2012 – 7:18 pm
• So this game is about the corporations taking over, man? June 4, 2012 – 7:18 pm
• Don’t forget the Canadians. That summer was shit for me. June 4, 2012 – 7:17 pm
• The Head of Ubisoft is now on stage to announce a new project. June 4, 2012 – 7:16 pm
• Wait, I Am Alive and From Dust are free to play? June 4, 2012 – 7:16 pm
• Settlers, not so much. June 4, 2012 – 7:15 pm
• Oh god, Trials. How I want thee. June 4, 2012 – 7:15 pm
• Ok, so Toby won’t be hosting the thing. Figures. June 4, 2012 – 7:14 pm
• Guys win. Now Toby will host things. Maybe. June 4, 2012 – 7:13 pm
• Should I be able to see the railgun? Because I can’t. June 4, 2012 – 7:11 pm
• We need more gameplay in first person. June 4, 2012 – 7:11 pm
• It’s guys versus girls to see who will host the rest of the conference. Because video games. June 4, 2012 – 7:09 pm
• Shootmania, the gun version of Trackmania. Also sex jokes. June 4, 2012 – 7:06 pm
• When I think of Tobuscus, I think e-sports. June 4, 2012 – 7:05 pm
• Stream messed up for a second, so I didn’t get to hear if you stab Americans. June 4, 2012 – 7:04 pm
• And now a trailer. June 4, 2012 – 7:02 pm
• Free-run stabbing, greatest gameplay innovation ever. June 4, 2012 – 7:02 pm
• That guy was seriously drinking tea. June 4, 2012 – 7:01 pm
• The guy can wallrun kind of. June 4, 2012 – 7:00 pm
• No survivors. June 4, 2012 – 7:00 pm
• The environment in AC3 really lends itself well to the free-running. June 4, 2012 – 6:59 pm
• Can’t be very silent on a horse. June 4, 2012 – 6:58 pm
• Was that a strung-up wolf? June 4, 2012 – 6:57 pm
• I see a quest giver. June 4, 2012 – 6:57 pm
• Now a combat sequence with wolves. Didn’t have to counter much. June 4, 2012 – 6:57 pm
• Called it. June 4, 2012 – 6:56 pm
• The Lara Croft demo is still in my head from earlier, so I was expecting Connor to stab those deer in the face. June 4, 2012 – 6:56 pm
• And another French guy with a demo. June 4, 2012 – 6:55 pm
• Now a French guy. June 4, 2012 – 6:54 pm
• Is that Washington? June 4, 2012 – 6:53 pm
• Deadcoats! June 4, 2012 – 6:52 pm
• Did that eagle just turn into an assassin? June 4, 2012 – 6:52 pm
• Voiceover! June 4, 2012 – 6:51 pm
• Eagles! June 4, 2012 – 6:51 pm
• Redcoats! June 4, 2012 – 6:51 pm
• Good thing the tablet is only their in a support role. Would be awkward dancing with that thing. Now Assassin’s Creed. June 4, 2012 – 6:51 pm
• Who doesn’t love the Rabbids? June 4, 2012 – 6:50 pm
• More Wii U-ness. June 4, 2012 – 6:49 pm
• The trailer was great, but it told me absolutely nothing about the game. June 4, 2012 – 6:49 pm
• Zombi U is the game. Stupid title but whatevs. June 4, 2012 – 6:48 pm
• Suicide, always the right answer. June 4, 2012 – 6:47 pm
• That lady is fucked. June 4, 2012 – 6:47 pm
• Kind of reminding me of the opening of Fallout 3. June 4, 2012 – 6:46 pm
• Now we got an FPS survival horror. June 4, 2012 – 6:46 pm
• That demo was fucking awesome!! June 4, 2012 – 6:45 pm
• And the guitarists are witches! June 4, 2012 – 6:45 pm
• Flying guitarist! I have been officially sold a Wii U. June 4, 2012 – 6:44 pm
• Whoo! Globox! June 4, 2012 – 6:42 pm
• Wait, is Legends polygonal or is it still all 2D? I can’t really tell. June 4, 2012 – 6:42 pm
• Murphy, a smiling bug that is controlled completely with the Wii U GamePad. June 4, 2012 – 6:41 pm
• Rayman is polygonal again. June 4, 2012 – 6:40 pm
• Rayman’s coming to the Wii U with Rayman Legends. June 4, 2012 – 6:40 pm
• Avengers: Battle For Earth coming out this Fall for Kinect and Wii U. June 4, 2012 – 6:39 pm
• Oh, Hawkeye, you look so out of place. June 4, 2012 – 6:39 pm
• Wolvey vs. Venom, who will win? June 4, 2012 – 6:38 pm
• Time for Avengers shit. June 4, 2012 – 6:37 pm
• That trailer needed more dubstep. June 4, 2012 – 6:37 pm
• Oh, snap! Fourth Echelon. June 4, 2012 – 6:37 pm
• If only more hostages were like that guy. June 4, 2012 – 6:36 pm
• Spider robot. So cute. June 4, 2012 – 6:36 pm
• More stabbing dudes. June 4, 2012 – 6:35 pm
• Splinter Cell: Blacklist trailer. June 4, 2012 – 6:35 pm
• Blacklist will feature co-op and competitive multiplayer. June 4, 2012 – 6:35 pm
• Blacklist is made by Canadians. Sweet. June 4, 2012 – 6:34 pm
• Max Beland with Tobuscus. June 4, 2012 – 6:34 pm
• Time for more Splinter Cell. June 4, 2012 – 6:34 pm
• TITS! June 4, 2012 – 6:33 pm
• There’s hang-gliding. June 4, 2012 – 6:33 pm
• Now a live Facebook Q&A. June 4, 2012 – 6:33 pm
• I like Vas. June 4, 2012 – 6:32 pm
• And sex. June 4, 2012 – 6:31 pm
• And now we’re in the ether. With strippers. June 4, 2012 – 6:31 pm
• In all seriousness, this game looks great. June 4, 2012 – 6:30 pm
• Hey, it’s the Pyro. June 4, 2012 – 6:30 pm
• Killing a dude and using the grenades still attached to his body and his body to blow up a truck: Priceless. June 4, 2012 – 6:30 pm
• First person cover systems. June 4, 2012 – 6:29 pm
• So the bad guy in FarCry 3 seems to be channeling the Joker. June 4, 2012 – 6:28 pm
• What is it with games and bow and arrows? You have guns. June 4, 2012 – 6:28 pm
• I like this picture in picture demo stream thing they’re doing. June 4, 2012 – 6:27 pm
• Takedown chains, nice. June 4, 2012 – 6:27 pm
• Stabbing dudes, the best way to say hello. June 4, 2012 – 6:26 pm
• Fucking pirates. They ruin everything. June 4, 2012 – 6:25 pm
• This press conference is rated 18A. June 4, 2012 – 6:24 pm
• Tits. June 4, 2012 – 6:24 pm
• Dan Hay and Jamie (Jaime?) Keen(e?) are now talking FarCry 3. June 4, 2012 – 6:24 pm
• HA! The gay jokes are always the funniest. June 4, 2012 – 6:23 pm
• Is Aisha Tyler part of Ubisoft and I just didn’t know about it or is this really weird? June 4, 2012 – 6:23 pm
• Tobuscus is part of this shit? June 4, 2012 – 6:22 pm
• Aisha Tyler, who is apparently hosting this thing, unlocked a Uplay action. Now she can unlock the Altair skin. June 4, 2012 – 6:22 pm
• Ok, it is Florida. June 4, 2012 – 6:20 pm
• Half the crowd at this press conference looks like they don’t understand what’s happening. June 4, 2012 – 6:20 pm
• That is the stupidest mic I have ever seen. June 4, 2012 – 6:19 pm
• Is that Florida? June 4, 2012 – 6:19 pm
• They have the Wild Wild West song in the game. June 4, 2012 – 6:18 pm
• Starting the show with the show stopper, Just Dance. June 4, 2012 – 6:17 pm
• And away we go. June 4, 2012 – 6:17 pm
• Should be starting soon. June 4, 2012 – 6:13 pm