Jenkins’ Much Darker S. Darko Review

Film industry, I hate you for trying to destroy a good thing, some movies do not need sequels, sincerely, Jenkins.

Seriously, why this movie was even made, I’ll never know. It doesn’t even have the subtext that oh, maybe none of this even happened, it pretty clearly states that this movie involves time travel since it happens three different times and to three different people. Same thing with the “end of the world”, it’s not a metaphor, the end of the world actually happens.

What happens is, seven years after Donnie gets fucked in the face by a jet engine, Samantha Darko, his little sister, and her best friend run away from home for some reason. Car troubles keep them in a small spooky town in the middle of nowhere, and just like that the movie is clichéd as fuck already.

Now you would expect the Darko to have the fucked up visions. But no, most of them are from the point of view of the village homeless psycho, Iraq Jack. He trips balls every time he sees Samantha and she’s none the wiser either, blaming sleepwalking or something. There’s also a side storyline about some missing kids that are locked in a cave and it’s become Samantha’s duty to solve the case. What a meddling kid. There’s a good deal of attempted rape in this movie too.

I wouldn’t say anyone does a spectacular acting job, maybe Iraq Jack if he wasn’t so pitiful. They even have one of the guys from the Twilight movies to drop this shitbomb to a new low. He tries to play a nerd but is just very creepy instead. But if having a shitty ass movie wasn’t enough, whoever wrote this mustn’t have played very close attention to the end of Donnie Darko, you know where he “goes back in time” and EVERYTHING IS UNDONE. How does a reference to a movie where in the end everything is undone make sense? It doesn’t. So, with that, how does Samantha know everything that happened in the first movie, how did she get the philosophy of time travel if Donnie never actually got it, and how does she know about Frank? Even more, HOW DOES SHE KNOW WHAT FRANK LOOKS LIKE? She wasn’t at the party where the real Frank was and still, no one would have known his importance.

If the main actress would have actually gotten raped, this would have been a more enjoyable movie. It raped the Darko name pretty badly so she fucking deserves it. I hate this movie and it gets erased from the memory of every Darko fan in the world along with the Donnie Darko director’s cut. I’d give it a negative over 9000 if I could but I’ just leave it at a good, solid 0/5. I recommend this movie to people who only know the literal sense of Donnie Darko, because they’ll be too retarded to know why this movie is shit.

Final Score: 0/5

– Jenkins